How to Beat the Bully Without Really Trying Read online

  “And anyway, Rodney . . .” Somehow I knew what was coming and my stomach tightened. “. . . Don’t you want to go sledding with your friends?”

  Ever since the snow started falling I knew one of my parents would bring up sledding. I hated sledding. The way other kids hate going to the dentist, that’s how I feel about going to the top of some hill and zooming down a million miles an hour. My dad is a big sled and toboggan guy and had taken me years ago, but I screamed and cried the whole way down the hill. We hadn’t returned.

  “I don’t know, Mom. Don’t you need help cleaning or something?”

  She looked at me like I had two heads and was about to open her mouth when the doorbell rang. “Probably one of the neighbors,” she said, slightly annoyed.

  I followed her to the door, adding, “And besides, none of my new friends in Garrettsville are into sledding.”

  Upon opening the door we were greeted by Rishi, standing there holding a sled.

  “Hey Rodney! We’re going to the Hill. Do you want to come up there with us?” he asked.

  Before I could even make up some lie about chores, my mom answered for me. “Yes, he does, Rishi. Isn’t that right, Rodney?”

  “Great!” Rishi shouted and came in while my mom dug out my snow clothes. The fear began pumping through my veins. I had to get out of this. Thoughts of me shooting down a large hill and crashing and busting my head open went through my mind. Even worse, what if I panicked at the top of the hill and the kids made fun of me? This would be another day of having to maintain my toughness and bravery and lies. I could feel the hand of doom reaching out and patting me on the shoulder. Actually it was Rishi.

  “We can share my sled,” he suggested.

  For a second I relaxed. At least with someone else to steer, I could close my eyes and hope for the best. And more important, none of the kids would discover that the great Rodney Rathbone knew nothing about turning or stopping a sled.

  “Nonsense!” my father shouted as he walked up the basement steps. “I have the best sled in the world for you.”

  “Cool, Mr. Rathbone,” Rishi answered.

  Way to go, Dad. Why don’t you just push me off a cliff?

  “Come on!” My dad led us outside. We had to run to keep up with him. Finding his ladder in the junk-filled garage, he told me to hold the bottom as he climbed the rickety steps to the storage area above. After some groans and muttering, he started to slide a long orange plastic sled down to the floor. It must have been at least six feet long. He got it down, grabbed it, and held it up for us to examine. “This, boys, is the Beast. It is the fastest, best sled I’ve ever owned, and now it’s yours.”

  “Wow! That’s awesome,” Rishi exclaimed. “You’ll be the king of the Hill! Won’t you, Rodney?”

  “No question about it!” my dad shouted back.

  “Uh, great,” I muttered, but my dad and his favorite new son were too excited to notice my lack of enthusiasm.

  “There is no sled that can match it,” my dad continued.

  “Excellent! You’re going to travel at light speed, Rodney.”

  “Swell.” I gulped.

  Possibly sensing my hesitation, my dad added, “Don’t worry. It’s easy to steer. If you want to turn to the right, just drag your right hand a little in the snow. That will create some drag and turn you in that direction. It’s a cinch, and like I said, this sled is the best. Now get out there on that hill.” He closed the garage and bounded up the steps into the house. I watched him go, wishing I could share some of his excitement, not to mention his skill with a sled. With a downcast, worried heart, I headed off with Rishi to the Hill.

  Chapter 11

  KING OF THE HILL

  After thirty minutes’ trudging along with a six-foot sled and a fool for a friend, I was tired and in no better mood.

  “You’re going to love the Hill. It’s huge. Look, there it is.”

  He wasn’t lying. It was gigantic and, despite it being cold out, sweat dripped down my body beneath my layers. I stood for a moment at the bottom, taking it all in. Hundreds of people young and old were sledding in every direction, some down wide-open runs, others down narrow trails through wooded areas. I was about to stick my head into a snowdrift when my friends spotted me.

  “Hey, Rodney’s here!” Dave yelled.

  “Rodney’s here. Now the day can really start,” Slim added. They all walked up, admiring my sled. Other kids from school came running up to greet me.

  “I’m here, t-too,” Rishi stammered.

  Ignoring Rishi, Slim observed, “Wow, that’s some sled, Rodney. It’s huge. I bet it’s fast.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed.

  “Then you better know everything about the Hill, because some of the trails are superdangerous.”

  “Yeah, especially the Slaughter House Trail,” Rishi added.

  “Slaughter House?” I gulped. I hoped I didn’t sound as scared as I felt.

  “Yeah, no one goes down that anymore. The last person to try it was Dave’s cousin, and he broke his leg.”

  “He hit a tree,” Dave explained.

  Slim continued, “Yeah, he had to turn into the tree, otherwise he would have fallen into the Ravine of Doom—and then you’re a goner. But we don’t sled anywhere near it.”

  My relief was short-lived. “Yeah, ’cause you’re too scared!” Toby’s unmistakable voice sounded behind us. “Josh and I just got off the Wild Thing and didn’t see you girls over there. Did you see them, Josh?”

  Josh stood behind Toby wearing his leather jacket and smirking. “Nope,” he answered. It was the most I had heard out of him since Thanksgiving.

  Toby dropped his sled and began squeezing a snowball, making it hard and round till it turned to ice. He looked up at me, and for a fleeting second I saw he wanted to throw it right at my face. Instead he turned and launched it at some kindergartners. It landed several feet in front of a little kid in a Spider-Man hat. Toby frowned.

  “Nice throw.” Rishi laughed. Toby sneered but I saw him notice the Beast, and maybe its size and bright orange plastic sheen silenced him.

  “You like it?” Rishi asked him. “If you’re real polite, maybe Rodney won’t flatten you with it.”

  With that, we left our snarling foes and followed Rishi up the Hill. I realized that by the time the day was over, there was a very good chance I would either break a leg or pee in my pants. Neither option appealed to me.

  We kept going. The higher we went, the steeper it got. At one point, Slim, never graceful, slipped and slid all the way down on his back.

  “Real nice,” a girl’s voice shouted from close behind us. “You look like a big upside-down turtle!” The voice was very familiar, so I wasn’t surprised when I turned and saw Kayla laughing. She wasn’t alone. Samantha stood in a white coat, also laughing at Slim, and beyond her, in a pink outfit, stood Jessica. Instead of feeling happy, I couldn’t believe my bad luck. The last thing I needed was her seeing me wipe out! Swallowing the fear bubbling up inside me, I followed Dave and Rishi to the top.

  Far below us, you could see all the streets and parks of Garrettsville and I could even see Baber Intermediate in the distance, but up here it was quiet. The wind seemed to blow all other sound away. Rishi looked over at Dave and me and said, “Okay, let’s do it.”

  “Wait, the girls are in our way,” Dave pointed out. “They’ll be up to us in a minute.”

  We stood, shivering, as they approached. The sky had turned dark gray and snow had started to fall. Suddenly I wished I had never pretended to be anything other than what I really am—a coward. I wouldn’t have to keep proving myself to everyone. I wouldn’t be standing up here terrified at what was about to happen. I could be at home in my cozy room. . . .

  “What’s with him?” I heard Kayla ask. I looked up and noticed everyone staring at me. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

  “No way,” I said. “I was just trying to figure out the scariest, craziest way to head down this molehill.”


  “Molehill?” Rishi shouted. “Did you hear him? My man Rodney’s not afraid of ANYthing!”

  I looked at Jessica and the two of us smiled. In an instant I knew I’d rather crash than admit I was chicken in front of her or my friends.

  “That’s a pretty nice sled,” she said, pointing to the Beast.

  “Uh, yeah, well, it’s . . .”

  “What he means to say,” Rishi interjected, “is would you like to ride with him on it?”

  “Well, I don’t know, it looks pretty fast. . . .”

  “Oh, it is fast, Jessica, but it’s nothing Rodney can’t handle. He was like the sledding champion of New York.”

  Shut up, you imbecile.

  Then he turned toward me and whispered, “It’s time you thought about giving your agent a raise. I’m working overtime here. Go have fun, buddy.”

  “Okay, I’ll go with you, Rodney,” Jessica agreed, smiling a little nervously.

  Terrific, now when I mess up I’ll be taking her with me. I wondered if she’d still talk to me after we smashed into a tree. I gulped again and climbed into the sled in back of Jessica. Her hair blew into my face and—lost up there, on top of the hill in the clouds—I thought I was in heaven. Until Kayla’s voice brought me back to earth.

  “My sled! My sled slid down the mountain! Isn’t anyone going to do anything?” The girls had brought only two sleds with them in the first place, and now Kayla had conveniently set one free. “Dave,” she began, “I have an idea. Maybe I could ride down with you on your sled.” You had to give her credit.

  “Uh, sure, Kayla. Hop on.”

  “Well, now that we’re all set,” Rishi announced, “let’s do this.”

  Dave and Kayla were the first ones to head down. As they shoved off, I thought I heard Kayla tell Dave, “Hold me tighter!” Samantha followed, and then Rishi pushed off. As Jessica and I adjusted ourselves, the Beast started moving forward on its own.

  “Rodney, promise me that you won’t do anything crazy,” Jessica yelled back as we suddenly shot down the frighteningly steep slope. I was too petrified to answer. “Rodney?” she shouted. Sitting in front of me, Jessica couldn’t see the panic on my face. My dad wasn’t kidding when he said I’d have the fastest sled on the hill. We were zooming down the trail and already coming up on the other guys. I heard Rishi shout, “Way to go!”

  The first big turn was coming. I tried frantically to remember what my dad had said about steering. Wanting to turn right, I pushed down hard with my left hand. The Beast immediately swung farther to the left and, before I had time to think, we were zipping between two bushes straight onto Slaughter House Trail. We passed right in front of a shocked Toby and Josh, and in the corner of my eye I saw their sleds smash into each other.

  “Slow down, Rodney!” Jessica was shrieking. “You promised me . . .”

  It was Rishi’s voice ringing out behind us that brought me back to my senses. He yelled, “Rodney’s heading for the Ravine of Doom!” The Beast was now traveling at warp speed and seemed to have a mind of its own.

  “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Jessica screamed, clutching onto my legs. She didn’t exactly sound happy and I was way too terrified to answer. My brain completely shut down. I didn’t know what was coming, and even if I did, I couldn’t do anything about it.

  The Beast was in its glory. We were an orange blur and just about airborne when I heard Rishi shout, “Watch out for the Ravine of Doom!”

  “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” Jessica screamed as we flew straight off the cliff. The Beast sailed above boulders, and I could see little kids far below at the bottom of the Hill staring up at us. Jessica continued screaming and had turned and buried her face in my chest. Her eyes were closed and she couldn’t see the fear in my own eyes. We’re dead, we’re dead, we’re dead, was all I could think.

  We started to plunge. I clapped my eyes shut. The Beast bounced off something hard that slowed us but we almost flipped and did two complete circles before coming to a gradual stop in the midst of a crowd at the bottom of the Hill. I later found out the “something hard” we hit was a giant igloo some kids had spent the morning building. Poor kids.

  “It’s okay,” I managed to squeak. Jessica was silent and I realized she was probably crying. We may have survived, but I was sure our friendship hadn’t. I braced for the worst. She tentatively let go of me and looked up at the crowd gathering around us. Then it happened. She flashed a great big smile and said, “That was amazing! You’re crazy! How did you do that? No one’s ever gone off the Ravine of Doom. You made it seem so easy!”

  I exhaled and looked up toward the heavens. Somehow I had done it again. “Ah, well, us New York sledding champions, we’ve got a few moves, you know. . . .”

  “Rodney, that was the coolest thing any boy in this town has ever done,” she explained as she stood up. By now my gang and half the population of Garrettsville had made it over to us. They all seemed to be saying the same thing, that it was the greatest sledding feat in the history of the Hill.

  Disheveled, covered in snow, and not looking too happy, Josh and Toby came wandering up. Toby turned to Josh and said, “Who does this guy think he is, Evel Knievel?” Josh didn’t answer. He was looking down at the front of his beloved leather jacket. It was ripped from top to bottom, undoubtedly torn in the crash. The crash I had caused. His eyes slowly looked up at mine. They were deadly serious. Not since the first day of school had he given me such a threatening look. He held my gaze for a number of slow seconds, grabbed his sled, and walked off. Toby looked one last time at me and the cheering crowd, shook his head in disbelief, grabbed his sled, and followed Josh.

  The snow had stopped and the sun was actually shining brightly. We decided to stay at the Hill for a while longer and spent time over on the Bunny Bouncer, where I gave rides to all the little kids who wanted to experience the now legendary Beast. Jessica told them what it was like and how I had steered like a master.

  After a couple of hours and a warm good-bye from her, I was walking home, lugging the Beast and smiling to myself, when I heard a hey come from a bush.

  “Huh?” I mumbled, looking at it.

  Dave’s head popped up. He looked from side to side. “Is the coast clear?”

  I laughed. Kayla was nowhere in sight. “Yeah, it’s clear.”

  “Thanks, Rodney,” and with that he was off and running.

  A few blocks from home, while wondering what my mom had made for dinner, I heard the loud, unmistakable rumble of a motorcycle roar from behind me. Oh no, how could I have forgotten? The McThuggs were bound to come for revenge at some point. I gulped and glanced back.

  Sitting there on a huge bike was a mean-looking guy. “You Rodney Ratbone?” he growled. I wasn’t about to correct him about my last name. For a second I debated whether to drop the Beast and make a run for it, but eventually I just nodded my head. The guy continued, “I’m T-Bone, T-Bone Ratfield. I just wanted to thank you for taking care of J. D. McThugg and his brothers. Going in there with a rat shirt and attacking them with bees, now that’s brilliant. Hop on. I’ll give you and your sled a ride home.”

  “Uh, I’m almost there,” I answered, remembering my lessons about strangers.

  “All right then, but you’re now an honorary Ratfield, Ratbone. Ha-ha. Ratbone got rat in it, just like Ratfield. We’re probably related.” He got off the bike and came up to me. “Since we is family and all, I’m going to teach you the Ratfield secret handshake.” We worked through a bizarre set of moves. Once I got it down, he gave me a friendly whack on the back and rode off into the winter sunset.

  Chapter 12

  DINNER WITH THE WINDBAGGERS

  I left the Beast in the front yard and walked into the house. My dad, seated in his chair in the living room by the fire, greeted me with a smile. “How was sledding? That’s some sled, right?”

  “Dad, you have no idea.” He didn’t say anything, but he turned his gaze toward the fire. A twinkle in his ey
e told me that maybe he did.

  The twinkle in his eye was extinguished when my mother called, “Donald, did you finish setting the table? The Windbaggers will be here any minute.”

  I had never met the Windbaggers but somehow knew that I wouldn’t like them. Maybe it was because of the face my father made whenever my mother mentioned their name. It was a face like he was sucking on a lemon.

  Moments later the doorbell rang. “Rodney, will you let them in?” my mom called from the kitchen. Penny beat me to it and opened the door. The Windbaggers rushed in along with an arctic chill.

  “Cold out there!” Mr. Windbagger boomed, stomping the snow from his shoes on the mat.

  “Oh, aren’t you precious?” Mrs. Windbagger said, patting Penny on the head. “What’s your name?”

  “Penny.”

  “Fred, isn’t she just adorable?”

  “Gotta love a kid named after money,” Mr. Windbagger said. “And you must be Rodney? Heard a lot about you.” He stuck out his hand. I reached out and shook it. “No, no!” he said. “Your hand feels like a dead fish. Put some muscle into it.” I squeezed hard and jerked my arm up and down. “That’s it. When you’re in the business world, Rodney, a good handshake lets the other guy know who’s boss.”

  Mr. Windbagger let go of my hand and turned to my dad, who had entered the hall and caught the end of the handshaking lesson. “Donald, good to see you.”

  “You too, Fred.” My dad had that lemon face on.

  Next thing I knew, their hands met with a thunderous clap. I watched their fingers tighten and their grins harden. I didn’t know if they were shaking hands or arm wrestling. Mr. Windbagger’s head turned red and a vein on my dad’s forearm began to bulge.

  “Okay, you two, stop horsing around,” my mom said. “Let’s go have some appetizers by the fire. Donald, fix the drinks. Rodney, take the coats.” My dad and I attended to our assigned tasks, and fortunately, unlike my father, I was able to sneak off to the den to play video games.